Tuesday, December 28, 2004

April 1985

In April 1985 I was 22. I worked in a small convienance
store just outside Ft Smith, Ark. It was on the hwy
pretty much by it's self. I worked 2nd shift and had
to close alone. I carried a small hand gun that attached
to my jeans pocket.

On this day I forgot my gun at home. The girl leaving
offered to leave her's. I told her I would be fine. We
changed shifts at 2:00pm.

I was starting out to be a normal day. All the regular
folks coming in. There was a few folks that I did not
know, but being on a main hwy that was not unusual.
But what would happen next was would be unusual.

A small man about 5'7" dark hair 145lbs with a plaid
shirt and jeans, put a 6pk of beer on the counter. I
put the paper down I was looking at. When I turned to
ring it up, he had a gun in my face.

Now this is not something you have to practice for. My
arms new exactly what to do. They reached for the sky!
It took some coaxing to get them down to put the money
in the bag, like the man was telling me to do.

I was shaking like a drunk without a drink. I had just
finished putting all the money in the bag and was handing
it to this man with the gun. This gun by the way looked
like a cap gun out of a toy box. But sure the heck was
not going to question him about it.

The door opened and Ronald came walking in. It was his
normal routine to stop on the way to the factory. The
man turned to him pointing the gun at him. "get in the
back of the store" was what the gun bearing man said.

Ronald for what ever reason thought it was a joke. I
can not imagine why my colorless face was not evidence
enough. The man then turned to Ronald who now had his
hand on a coke box to open it.

The sound was like a firecracker on the 4th of July. But
by the look on Ronald's face it was unmistakable. He went
white instantly. Then went into the back room with out a
word. The bullet missed his head by no more than 2 or 3 inches.

The gunman then turned to me and told me to get back there with
him. I did as quickly as I could. I was scared, mad, and worried
all at the same time. There were lots of adverbs coming out of
my mouth.

Then I heard it the bell on the front door. I told Ronald I did
not know what he was even driving. I peeked my head out. He was
gone. I ran up the side of the store to the front window.

I got there just in time to see his truck driving out the back.
I wrote his tag # down. Then tried to call the police. Since we
were not in the city limits. The local town I called did not
want to take my call.

"I have just been robbed with shots fired do you think you
might be able to pass that along even if it is not in your city"
I said. I did not have much patience with him. But he finally
said he would. I still did have to call the county sheriff.

I called my boss. Then I called my parents ( who had heard the
call on there scanner that a hysterical girl had been robbed)
Now I was not hysterical at that point. Maybe back in the
back room with all those adverbs coming out.

The man with the gun was caught at 6th and Garrison in Ft Smith.
He had money, and beer. But no gun, but we had the bullet.

Turns out this man had only been out of prison a few months. He
had done a lot of not so nice things including killing a man in
a bar.

The next morning the local paper had a not so lovely picture of
me on one side and him being arrested on the other side.

When we went to the pilminary hearing, Ronald and I were just a
little nervous. Ronald asked when we had testified if he had
stared at me. I told him no, why? Ronald said he stared at him
the whole time he was on the stand. "Well the local paper didn't
give him a picture of you to post on his cell wall"

Our gun man plead guilty on the day we were to go to trail. It
was reduced from Armed robbery, felon in possession of a fire arm,
and shooting with intent to kill. To Armed robbery, felon in
possession, and shooting with intent to injure. He got 3 20yr sentences.

I did not sleep for 2 days after this happened. I almost
shot some little old lady digging in her purse. The district
attorney called me after he pled guilty. Said my testimony
was the reason. I had described him almost perfectly. I missed
his weight by 5lbs his height by 1 in. Had his clothes and truck.

I try not to think of this to much any more. It scared the
poop out of me. More so when I realized all he had done before.

Just a day in my life

The tv is playing a modern version of cartoons. I personally
do not get them. The house is a mess, remnants of Christmas
paper on the floor, Christmas toys everywhere, half built
log houses.

There are 3 cats Snow ball (solid white daughter's baby) princess
(long haired striped annoying) Oliver Wendell Douglas (solid black
cat son'safter Green Acres fame) 2 puppies the biggest
chocolate (son's big boy)smallest chocolate (daughter's
Rose Grace) All 5 of these are running, playing, chasing
one another.

I wonder when the mess will be cleaned up. Not for at least
12 yrs. That should be when the youngest should go off to
college. So between now and then I will do my best to make
sure that the mess is a controlled mess.

I think I fell into that June Cleaver illusion. I really thought
that when I had a family. We would have a clean home, play well
together, get home work done. You know just like on tv.

Boy have I had a rude awakening. My house is never clean even
on the day when I work my butt off to get it clean. And I
never remember Beaver and Wally screaming at each other.
Ripping things from one another, slamming doors and
crying. I can deal with the crying for a scrapped knee.
But the crying for he said she said is not so easy.

And just who the heck did her laundry? I never remember
seeing her doing laundry. There was 4 of them, there is
4 of us. The laundry is a never ending, ever growing
heaping pile.

I guess after hearing ER talk about his baby bird. 12 yrs
is not all that long. They are big enough to at least
carry those heaping piles of laundry to the laundry room

And one just stopped by to hug and kiss me. What the
heck am I complaining about. I have the good life.

Friday, December 10, 2004

The most anticipated shower of my life

I had surgery on Nov 11. This surgery was to take off
the part of my abdomen that was making it's way to my
knees. I did not intend to share all the gory details
with you all.

The afternoon after my surgery. I could tell already
that my life was going to be alot more pleasant. My
legs finally had relief from the weight that had been
bearing on them for so long. Every time I took a step
my leg had to push it up to go forward. Sitting in a
chair was not much better. They weight would cut the
blood flow and put my legs to sleep.

It did not matter if I lost weight. This was not going
away. So after years I finally had the money to do it.

I did very well the first few days. Then infection set
up. I was so sick, I almost called the funeral home to
make my arrangements. I am just now finishing up the 3rd

They removed the last of 4 drains that I went home with
today. I feel free finally. I do still have a little stuff
draining off of my incision. But it is so much better than
it was.

As the nurse removed the drain today. She said I guess you
know what this means. I CAN TAKE A SHOWER!!!! I have never
in my life gone a month with out a bath or shower.

Sponge baths are just not the same. I could sit on the side
of the tub wash and shave my legs. Do the rest at the sink.
I still have to wait until tomorrow morning. 24hours after
the drain is removed.

I can not wait to feel that hot water on my body. She told
me I could not stay in the shower to long. I don't care just
a few minutes will be the best shower of my life.

I will say this. Even though I have been so sick. I would do
this again. Just for the physical benefits. They took 13 pounds
off. I can reach my toes again. I can shave my legs without
having to be a acrobat. My back thinks it has died and gone
to heaven. My legs feel as if they have been loosed.

I am hoping that one day I can run again. I have not been able
to run for at least 20 yrs. I dream of running. I know that
is silly. But I used to love just running.

Hope all of you are doing well. Sorry it has been so long.

Thursday, December 02, 2004


This is not going to be any great story.
I am still mending. I find out tomorrow if
I have to go back for another surgery.

But I couldn't say a way forever. Even if
my mind is still running on half cylinders.

I have always loved Christmas. I know what
a wonderful gift it was. But I also loved
Santa. My children found out last year that
Santa was not real.

This came with mixed emotions for me. They
are very much aware that Christ's birth is
the reason we celebrate Christmas.

But I will miss the surprise and excitement
of Christmas morning. We never put a present
under the tree until Christmas morning.

One Christmas eve we would read the story of
Santa, put out cookies and milk, and we even
went out side to put down reindeer dust.
This would help Santa find us.

Then on Christmas morning, I would hear those
little feet hit the floor running. Then stop
dead in there tracks. A great gasp would come
from each of them.

Then they would run to our room screaming he
has been here! Get up, Get up!

There is not much in the world that compares
with the joy and excitement on the face of a

So this year since they already know we are Santa.
I told them I would put presents under the tree as
I get them.

My husband did the good deed of being at Walmart at
6:00am the day after Christmas. I was still down and
could not go. The prize we were after was a trampoline.

So it has been in the back of his explorer with a sheet
over it. I told him he better get it in the house.
Yesterday he had to come home to help me move puppies.
So he brought it in.

I got it wrapped with a few other things. The kids were
so excited to see presents. We were sitting at the supper
table. When my daughter said, You know that big one looks
just like that trampoline in the back of dad's truck.

My son yelled at her, "you were not supposed to say anything".
I had a very hard time keeping my composure. So much for

Hope you all have a Blessed and happy Christmas holiday.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Dreams from the heart

I have never read a book about dreams. Although maybe
I should. For whatever reason my mother, one of my
sisters and me have dreams that come true. Now I am
putting myself out there, for you all to start
laughing, thinking that she has lost it. Well maybe
I have.

I have a dear friend that once in a while he come to
see me in my dreams. So when I call him to see if
everything is ok. He just laughs at me and says yes.
So every dream is not some crystal ball into the
future. But once in a great while one hits me that
for some reason really sticks with me.

I am going to share 2 such dreams.

I was 7 months pregant with my 1st child. I had seen
the ultra sound so I knew it was our son. In this dream
I could see thur my stomach. He was there clear as a bell.
I saw every feature he had. In the dream I was looking at
him. He has his right fist clinched on my left pointing
finger. I was stroking his eyebrow with my right pointing
finger. I remember my desire to hold him was so strong.
I remember thinking how unfair to see him and not be
able to hold him.

The next day I told everyone about my silly dream. We all
laughed bout hormones and stuff like that.

It was a hot humid July day that my son was born. I was 4
days to my due date. My doctor decided to induce me because
I was starting to swell and my blood pressure was going up.
The old days it was called toxemia, preclampcia now.

Every thing started at 5:00am when they started the IV of
meds that would start my labor. They were getting all the
pre delivery things out of the way. At 10:00 am my doc came
in and told my I did not have enough platelets. If you
remember from school. You need them to clot blood. I truly do
not remember how may I did have but it was not enough.

So I could not have a spinal block or any pain meds that
would mask my contractions. OH JOY! Now this was my 1st
so at this point I really had now ideal how bad a
contraction really was. BUT WAS SURE ABOUT TO FIND OUT!

They came in and broke my water at 12:00 noon. That water
was a cushion, so from that point on. To say I was not a
happy camper wouldn't be strong enough words. I was going
to die I just knew it. No one could possibly live thur
this. I even have a high tolerance for pain.

At 8:30pm they decided I was ready to push. There is this
wonderful God thing about pushing. It makes the contraction
go away. Talk about reason to pop the thing right out of
there. I pushed so hard on the 1st time that, the nurse
told me to stop because the Doctor was not in there yet.

When he finally showed up and everything was ready. But
8:45 my son was out. But there were several problems,
1st he had the cord around his neck. When they cut it
to get off his neck the cord got loose and he lost blood.

They finally got him out and were cleaning him up. I was
watching him. He did not move much, no crying, and was
white as snow. I called his name, he turned his head to
me but I knew some thing was very wrong.

My son had been exposed to StrepB (that we had no ideal
I was carrying) StrepB I am told is at any given time
carried by 25 to 30 % of women. It comes and goes. If
you tested 100 women one day 25 to 30 % would test positive
for StrepB. If you went back and tested the same 100
women a month later 25 to 30 % would test positive but
it would not be the same ones as before.

The week he was born, the medical society had recommend
that all pregnant women be screened for StrepB after
there 35 week of pregnancy. So that antibodies could
be given to the mother prior to birth, this covering
the child.

As I lay in my bed not knowing what was wrong with
my son. They gave him to me to hold briefly then
whisk him away. Soon they came to tell me there was
some thing wrong but they did not know yet what it
was. He was dehydrated, has low blood count, and
had some sort of infection.

I layied in that bed and could hear my son scream(from
across the hall in the baby intensive care unit)
as they did a spinal tap on him. He was so dehydrated
they did not get any thing. The Doctor himself put
an IV in his head. It was the only place they could
find a vein.

The next morning I was standing next to the small
bed they had him on wires, monitors everywhere.
I was looking down at this precious gift.

He had my left finger clinched in his tiny fist, I was
stroking his eyebrow, longing so much to just pick him
up in my arms. It took a few minutes for my dream to
come to me.

Now, I am not going to try and explain this because I
can't. Just so you will know my son is a healthy,
active, and as normal as any of are. He had not one
complication from this. I do give all the credit to
my heavenly Father,and a wonderful pediatrician that
stayed up all night that first night with him.

My dream came again about the 7th month of my
pregnacy with my daughter.

This one was just as confusing as the first. I could
see thur my belly but it was dark and cloudy. I could
feel her moving but could not see or touch her.

Since all the complications with my son. We felt
ready for this one. But true to form 9 days prior
to due date I ended up in the hospital. Swollen,
with preclampcia, and soon would discover that my
platets were at 37,000 you are supposed to have
160,000 just a tad bit low. This condition is
called PPD (pregancy platelet Disorder). I have
plenty up until time to deliver.

Any way my Doctor was afraid for my and my child.
He said if I delivered her we might both bleed
to death. So the decision was made to do a
c-section. Because of the PPD I had to be
given a local and would not be able to see
my daughter born. I went into the delivery room at 7:00
at 7:20 my daughter was born.

This time unlike my son she had not suffered any
complication from my sickness. She scored a perfect
10 on her apgar test. The hospital said it had
been a few years since a child had scored a 10.

I however was not doing very well. My platelets after
the delivery dropped to 27,000. My Doctor was very
concerned about me. The meds they give you for
preclampcia make you wish you were dead.

I was pretty sure this one was going to get me.
It was early the next morning when I realize
I still had not seen my daughter.

My dream came back to me. She was born in the
dark to me.

I asked to see her. She was so beautiful. Since
she did not have problems her skin was pretty
and pink. She was perfect.

This has been so emotional to write. Brought back
so many fears and pain. Note: I read an article
in a magazine that told the story of a women who
lost her baby to StrepB. Her child had been exposed
about half as long as my son. I remember sitting
in the breakroom crying, thinking how blessed I
felt. But also wondering why I was and she was

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Out of blogville

Hey guys, I am taking a short time out.
I have some more medical crap to deal with.
But should be back good as new in about a
week or so..take care see you all soon.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Three Chocolate Two licorice

It was a cold rainy day after the election.
I was having to move the roaster and hen into
a pen I built. Trying not to trip over the 3
cats at my feet.

I was so busy, making sure the make shift
chicken house would stay up. At least until
I could get better weather.

I had not noticed that my momma dog had not
come out to greet me. She is a black lab. We
have had her since my son was born 8 yrs ago.

She was always a good natured dog. When my son
was still in his walker in the back yard, she
would sit beside him and not leave until I came
and took him back in.

When I started looking for her today, I found her
behind the old cabin, in a corner by the old chimney.

She already had one Chocolate brown puppy and one
black licorice puppy. I was raised with animals so
I was blessed to see God's miracles early in life.
But they are still just as special each time.

She was just cleaning up the Chocolate. As I sat down
and patted her head. I knew she was not done yet. I
did my best to get her to move into the old block
building. She would not go, and I can not carry her
she is about 75 to 80 lbs.

So I gathered up some old clothes to put down for her
and her new family. (If you missed the story the neighbors
chocolate lab got in our dog pen)

I sent most of the after noon being moral support. I am
so amazed at the basic instinct she has. She did not go
to labor classes, or natural child birth classes. As much
as I wanted to help. I am certain that all my coaching was
not exactly helping her.

The next puppy came out just fine. Sack popped and she cleaned
it right up. But the fourth little one, another chocolate had
an extra thick sack. It was not moving, I watched her as she
bite, pulled, and licked until she freed that puppy. I was getting
a little scared it was not moving. But she kept moving it
around until it started moving and squealing.

That is life pure and simple. We are born with 2 basic instincts
first is to eat, second is to breed. (not a nice way to put it
I guess but it is true) No one had to teach her how to care for
her puppies. God built it in.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Girl's night

As I remember girls night. It used to include my friend
Crystal, usually beer, and what ever else we could find
to get into. Which most always ended up at the Paw Paw

A fire, friends, and good conversation under the wide
open sky's. This went on for several years. But as with
life things changed. I moved to California, She got

That was some where near 20 years ago. Live has gone
on to different things.

Tonight my daughter and I are having a girl's night.
No there is no beer involved. But It is one of my
favorite times. The husband and son are on a men's
retreat in the woods.

My darling I call her Gurtie. I am not sure where it
came from. But I am the only one allowed to call her

She is the spiting image of me as a girl. Although I
am pretty certain I was not that cute. But pictures do
show a big resemblance.

Tonight we will make nacho's in the microwave, fix hair
(several times), paint our finger and toe nails. Sit
out on the deck in the swing with the cats. Watch
her favorite movie, cuddle up in the bed together.
Talk about all the things she wants to do in her life.

Being a mom has been the hardest thing I have ever
come across. (especially in this day). But it has
to be at the top of my list. I know my sweet momma is
in heaven laughing herself silly at me.

Well I have to go. I have a date waiting.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Ol Blue

Ol blue was a truck. Not any thing that would catch
your eye. Just a blue 4x4 that my friend owned. But
blue was special to me.

I have so many wonderful memories associated with blue.
He took me to the woods, to town, down to the river,
and even to Dallas to get lottery tickets. (if my memory
has not failed)

Blue was always an invitation for a ride with a friend or
maybe friends. I never knew what adventure we would find.
On one occasion blue was hauling home a sectional couch for
me. He was not doing well and the altinator was going out.

My friend and I were just trying to get back home. Part of
the secional baled out of the back on a curve. We opt to
just leave to go back and get later. I think there must have
been 10 cars that tried to wave us down, to tell us that we
had lost the couch. My friend just waved mumbled under his
breath "people need to mind there own business".

Blue most likely had rear end prints (that is the nicest way
I new to put it) of lots of folks. But before he went a way
he still had foot prints, that were mine still on the windshield.

The night they came to be, was a hot Oklahoma evening in June.
My friend and I were sitting in an old favorite place down in
the Paw Paw bottoms. Just talking about everything and nothing.
A army helicopter came to rest on top of the trees. I would
say about 1/4 mile off.

We laughed, thinking they were sitting there listening to us.
I remember we made stupid noises just to entertain them.
I'm sure they must have thought we were crazy.

As we sat there that night, I had put my feet up on the dash,
I am not very tall, I could rest them perfectly just touching
inside of the windshield. That is were the footprints came

Where ever you are blue, thanks for all the memories.

Monday, October 18, 2004


The experts say, a child believes it is part of the momma
for the first year of it's life. Then they go thur the time
of developing their own independence.

I do not know for certain. But some where in your life cycle,
I think we may revert back to momma. Not completely as in the
first year. But as we get older, I think we become more aware
of all the things momma did for us. If you happen to be female
you may even evolve into a newer version of you momma.

You notice I did not refer to her as Mother. It may be my
southern heritage, but for whatever reason she will always
be momma.

My little momma (she was only 5'1") left this world on May 24,02.
She enjoyed some fresh strawberries (one of her favorites) from
Mrs Jones's garden. When thur her, what had become normal evening
of resting quietly trying to get one more breathe.

She went to sleep, woke up in heaven sometime near 1:00pm the next
day. I was very thankful and had prayed she would just go to sleep.

My momma was from the old school, "spare the rod spoil the child"
to say I was not a spoiled child would be a accurate statement.
But just for the record, I am a better person for it. And even in
today's "time out" method of choice. I still think there are times
when spanking is necessary(don't even send me your comments about
it I am not changing my mind).

We had moved to Nicut,Ok. It is a small spot on hwy 101. The old
house had 3 rooms, no inside toilet. But I loved it, we were out
in the middle of no where. The chickens prior to us had left me
a gift. Now being 5 yrs old, rotten eggs were a treasure. I was
well armed to bomb all my enemies. My first target was the side
of the house. Now it did not take my momma long to figure out she
was under attack. She came out on the back porch, yelled at me to
"stop that right now". Then went back into the house.

Now any smart child would had ceased and disperses to other
adventures. Well I was not know for being smart just yet.
Out the door she came, fire in her eyes, I knew that look.

I am not sure what took over me, but I took off running. She was
right behind me, until I turned the corner of the house. I looked
back she was gone. Well this is pretty cool, I will have to remember
running is good. I went on about my meandering.

I was under a tree, making mud pies. I never saw her coming, she
grabbed me up by the hair. I thought she was going to beat me to
death. (not really just a figure of speech) The whole time she was
administering correction, she was telling me not to EVER RUN AGAIN!
I never did.

My little momma was a women of few words. We had moved back to town.
I was being normal little tom boy. I had climbed up into a tree in
the front yard. Getting back down was causing me a little difficulty.
I decided momma was the help I needed. "MOMMA, MOMMA" she emerged from
our small house, little sister on her hip. "What are you doing up in
that tree", she asked. "I can't get down" was my pitiful replay.

"Well you got up there, you get down". "But momma I can't" I whinnied.
She turned on her heals went back in the house. She reemerged in a
short time, with the pillow from my bed in tow. "Here you might need
this if you are staying up there" was all she said.

I bailed out of that tree right then. One of the best lessons she
ever taught me. You get in the mess you get out of it..

I could go on, but I will spare you. If you still have the wonderful
gift of your momma. Give her a hug, tell her how much you love her.
My momma knew how much I loved her, and I knew she loved me. But all
the hugging is gone for me.

Just where is 10buck2?

The 1st time I knew for certain I was in 10buck2. I was visiting
my little sister in Southern Oklahoma. Some where on a 2 lane
hwy close to Ardmore was a sign that told me I had found 10buck2.

Our 10buck2 Ranch (establishment for raising livestock) is a happy
home for 3 dogs, (Sugar, Tippy, and Blaze) three cats, (snowball, Oliver,
and princess) 2 of the meanest roosters, one wore out hen, and last
but not least my favorite Donald the duck.

We are on 24 acres, on a hill, facing the eastern sky. We have a
spectacular view. ( once we get enough of the trees out of the way) Don't
worry, there are plenty of trees. The few it will take to get view won't be

If I can figure out how to use the scanner I will post a picture of our view
So if you are having one of those terrible, horrible, very bad days. You
can imagine setting out on our deck, listening to all the noises from the
forest below.

Once when I had moved to California ( I had temporary insanity). Any way
a very dear friend made me a video of back home. ( which is eastern Oklahoma)
The thing that made me cry was listening to the bugs you hear on a hot summer
day, down in the bottom land. (that is another favorite place)

This video helped make it thru hard days with no dirt roads or nature noises.
People can buy CD's of this kind of God's music. I have it first hand. So any
time you are sitting in traffic, trying to make a deadline, or just want to relax
you can come here and take a break.

It is also home to husband, me and 2 rambuckush children.

Oh yea, if any one needs a puppy let me know. The neighbors chocolate
lab came to visit our black lab. So we are now expecting puppies
around Christmas.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Maiden voyage


This is a test run. If it works I will be back later..

jeannie diane