Monday, November 05, 2007

bouquet of pencils

In my favorite movie is a line, "I would send you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils" by Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail.

I have my freshly sharpened pencils and notebook. Tomorrow is my first day of beauty collage. I am more excited with every passing minute. I have all my clothes picked out and ready to go. I remember me and my best friend in school. I will call her Dimpy. It was her nickname. We would talk on the phone about what we would wear to school. Then walk the 2 blocks to physically look at the outfits.

Will I find a new friend? One who might be with me for yrs to come. Will I meet a nice man? It is as if someone opened Heaven and gave me a second chance at life. A life that I have a say in, one that will have a happy ending.

Oh I know that it will be hard. I will got to school Tues thur Friday 8am to 4pm. and Sat 9am to 2pm. I will work at on my days off all day, then after school every day except Wed and Thurs. The days that the Princess and Great Deer Hunter are here. They are here every other week end also. But in 11 months, I will have a new career. One that I choose, not one that I could do just because it was there.

I have spent most of my pre marriage yrs working 2 jobs. So it is not new to me. But I was a lot younger then. I know my desire for a better life for me and my children will carry me thur this.

My life has never been what you might call a free ride anyway. Not that I am complaining. It is what makes me who I am. A strong, complicated, loyal, loving, compassionate, creative, passionate women.

Well I am off, to work. I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

In 30 years

I have been thinking alot about my mortality. Then Trixie came in with the news from her doctor. This body I have is the only one I will get. I will have to admit. I have not been all that kind to it.

I make it carry an extra 100 lbs. I do not put useful fuel in it. I do not let it just go out for a nice walk in the park. I force it to drink fluids that do not help it to flush out.

As a care giver of this temple. I have failed. The one book I trust more than any other. My King James Holy Bible. Tells my it is a temple. That I keep, as unto God. I can only imagine what he thinks of me. I know he loves me, and wants to help. But I have to be willing to take the help.

A childhood friend is gone, she was 44. I am not sure what happened. I have ideals. None of which are pleasant. This has really grieved me. I have sent my 1st 45 yrs living like I did not care if my body failed me.

Now I am trying figure out how to get another 45 yrs out of it. Not just yrs but good yrs. With my mind and body working well. I want to be a grandmother like my sweet momma was. She played with them. Made Christmas candy for days. Pick out Christmas dresses for the girls.

I remember my Deer Hunter took his 1st steps in front of her. I want that. I want to cook for days before the holidays. Play in the water. I want to make everyone of them a quilt.

DANG IT, I want more yrs. I have so much left to do. I have started a book. Crystal has been helping me with it. Maybe I will share some of it here. When it gets a little more polished.

Well, Ava and I are going out to enjoy a short walk. :-)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I see the tunnel, where's the light

Hello friends,
To say I have been as close to hell. Would be a tremendous understatement.
But alas, God has taken care of me once again. Praise God, he is good.

I am now employed. Two jobs, I work for a large home improvement store. I also work taking care of an Alzheimer patient. Each has it's rewards. The home improvement store, lets me look at construction workers all day. Looking is free.

The lady I take care of is just a blessing. I will call her Ava. I discovered she and I share the same birthday. Dec 14th. I was born on her 40 birthday. So this year we are having a big party. She still has more good days than bad.

Divorce, has gone as well as one of those can go. I get stronger everyday. My precious Deer Hunter and Princess are adjusting well. They had birthdays this summer. He was 11 she was 9. It is so hard for me to believe they are getting so grown up. The Deer Hunter broke his arm this summer. He was racing bikes. He was on someone else's bike. It had hand brakes and he is used to foot brakes. He ran right into the front of a parked 2 ton wrecker. We were having a barbecue. So we were all out side. I had my back to it. But heard the crash.

He was so brave. Jumped up and was walking to the house. After looking him over. We made a trip to the ER. I was so scared. He had and imprint of the handle bar in his chest. His cheek just below his eye was swelling up.

When we signed in he was shaking. The ER was full. I was afraid we would have to wait forever. But we went back to get evaluated, from there straight to ex ray, then back to a room right across from the nurses. With windows so they could see us. This was causing me concern. But when I went out to see if he could have a drink. I was told he could not. Because they were making sure he didn't have any internal injuries. We were blessed. He only came out with a black eye and a broken arm.

The next week. Their camp called me. The Princess had fallen on the concrete. They told me she would most likely have to have stitches. So once again we were off to the ER. They were able to glue it together. Thank God. It was almost more stress than I could take so close together.

We made stepping stone the other day, Ava too. They were all proud of how they came out. Ava really enjoys when I am able to bring kids over. The other day. She was taking a nap. When I went to get her up. She told me she woke up and heard the children. It made her happy to hear them laughing.

I have been blessed even more. I went to sign up for Beauty college. I found out I will get a grant and scholarship that will pay for all my cost. Now I only have to cut corners until I get out. I am also working on getting a small business loan to open my own shop.

So that has been my summer. What have you done? Congrats to Tech on his new book. I am hoping to get one when I get paid.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

House Mom

After the shock, and utter embarrassment of being fired wore off. I have really enjoyed
being home. If you take out the panic attacks and sleepless nights. :-(

The last few days have been really nice. I would pick up the kids from school. Take
them to the park. We had a real home cooked meal. It was nice. I am on top of the
laundry (so to speak). Most not all of the clutter has been moved.

Spent the day redecorating the princess's room. She thought it was so cute. She is just
the light in my eyes. She is practicing " When the Saints go marching home" I am hoping
she will have the nerve to play it for the church. Piano, lessons are paying off

The great deer hunter has been out side. Working on his Kong fu moves. He is so funny.
I hope he is able to always keep his since of humor.

Last night I made up a baked pocket. I browned ground turkey, added chopped onion,
1/4 of pack taco seasoning, can of Rotel tomatoes, and drained can of whole kernel corn.
Cooked that down. Took 2 9" ready to use pie crust. Put meat mixture on one side of
a pie crust. Folded pie crust in two. Pinched the edges with a fork. Did the same with
the 2nd crust. Cooked at 400 until crust was done. It was not bad. I did not have any
cheese in the house. It would have been good in it.

We just sliced it in triangles like pie. yum yum.

Well I better get to his new Job interview. I wish I cold find a job paid well enough I could
work 3 days a week.

Monday, April 16, 2007


I have a very good friend. Her name is Crystal. Most every event in my life has
involved her in some way. We may not have been in the same state at the time.

We have been friends since Jr High. That is more years than could be possible.
Since this is the year we turn 29. :-) LOL... That might be stretching the truth
just a hair or two. Ok may be a whole head of hair!!

We might go months or even a year or so with out talking. But the min I hear her
voice. It is as if time has stood still. It may take us a while but we get back up to
speed. She is always ready to give me advice. I am usually ready to hear it. Some
times I have to chew on it a while.

Live is full of so many turns, trees down in the road, water spewing out from under

Not the longest toast in the world. But this long, tall, cold, Coors is for you Sister.


Friday, February 16, 2007

I am ok, REALLY I AM......

Divorce- traumatic event

Setting up new home- traumatic event

Losing your job- traumatic event

Lets recap for those who might have missed. I am going thur a divorce. After
11 yrs and 2 children. So i am setting up a new home. I only left with the sofa,
love seat, some kitchen utensil's, and personal items.

Then with out warning ( I guess there never is) I was fired from my job.
I am 45 yrs old started working at the age of 15. I have never been fired.
This had to be one of the most humiliating things that has ever happened to me.
Not to mention not a good time in my life.

3 major traumatic events. In the last 6 months.

Now I am just venting. That was the purpose of this blog. To let go of all my
experiences, good, bad, happy or sad. Surprisingly I am really ok.

I have set up my new home. I still have some boxes to empty. I would like to
paint the walls. Make some curtains. But for the most part. I am very happy
with my new home. It is paid for which helps a lot.

I had a very good interview this morning. It is with a large hospital in our
city. The position may not be the greatest. But it does get my foot in the

I have been thinking of going back to school. I am still deciding on what I
would like to do. I am limited. I can not be on my feet for a long time.

If any one has any ideals. Please leave them.

The great deer hunter and Princess are doing very well thur all of this.
We have tried to do this with their best interest. I also have a beautiful
Korean girl in our home. She is 17 and from South Korea. I call her
Sunflower. Thru all of this she has helped keep every ones mind occupied.

This is a lot to swallow. But surprisingly I really am doing ok. This will
be a very had year. When I look back on it. I will think it was for the best.

You know what they always say. If it does not kill you, it will make you
stronger. I am working on being one of the strongest women alive. hhheee

Lots of love to momma ER and big brudder. You are in my thoughts and