Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Darkness Come


whence duth come the darkness

all consuming day, all consuming night

whence duth come the darkness

eyes that see no more

whence duth come the darkness

bones that crumble and waste

whence duth come the darkness

ears that scream

whence duth come the darkness

lips that burn with desire

whence duth come the darkness

heart that beats no more

whence duth come the LIGHT!!

10-23-06 1:15 AM


oh the pain that floods my soul. the darkness comes
over powering like the waters of a roaring
river that can not be stopped.

the sorow weighs on me. like a mill stone pulling me
under the currents deeper, deeper and deeper.

fear of the terrior not seen, hidden in the cold
black abyss.

life filled with , lyies, untrust, sadness,
hopelessness, sucking all the joy from every
fiber of my soul.

the darkness is so all consuming

when, when oh when I beg will the light come when
will the joy, hope, and freedom come to me

can i stand strong until the light comes please, please
i beg, let the light shine again.


Sunday, November 19, 2006

the flames are burning my feet

Hello friends,

To say my life is hell right now, would be a tremendous understatment.

I am sitting in the living room of my mothers home. (mom died 4 yrs
now but it will always be mom's house). It is were I go when life is
just to overwhelming. I do not know if it is just me. Mom died here at
home. I can still feel her peace here. Calming me when the answeres to
life are very had.

This blog was to be my place to take my feelings good, bad, sad, happy and
ever thing in between. I have been so locked up inside. I couldn't even
find words to write here.

I think I can finally hear the flood waters coming. I have some poems I will
be listing later. I left them at work.

I am in the process of a D I V O R C E....I feel as if I have been to
the bottom of hell. I keep thinking it will be over soon. But that is
when the flood waters suck me down in a whirlpool again.

That is why I had to come home. I will still have to get up and drive
back for work tomorrow. But I needed to get out for a while. I need
your prayers. ( I need this DONE..) I have to get started on my
way back up.

I have always been a fighter. Ask anyone who knows me. But my fighting
skills are rusty. I have spent the last 10 yrs keeping peace, not speaking
my mind. To the point I woke up one morning, not knowing who I was looking
at in the mirror.

All the things that made me who I am, were gone. I am sick all the time.
My mind fades in and out. My respect for myself left long ago. I truly
beleive my life has been making me physically sick.

I guess we will find out soon. The longer I am gone, we will see if
I get better.

I have been to the lawyer. I know how much money I will be getting. The
issues about the children have been settled. Now I need to be able to
find a place. I need to try and find some thing I can pay cash for.
All should be done by the new year.

Pray for my deer hunter and the little princess. They will need it
I do not want them to get caught up in this. They still need 2 parents.

( the little deer hunter and dad got a deer :-) I have never
seen my little man more excited and proud. He couldn't get
his hammer back. So he told dad to get it. )

I guess I will end this for now. I am very sorry to dump such unhappy
stuff. But as I said this is my sounding board.

from the bottom