Sunday, November 21, 2004

Dreams from the heart

I have never read a book about dreams. Although maybe
I should. For whatever reason my mother, one of my
sisters and me have dreams that come true. Now I am
putting myself out there, for you all to start
laughing, thinking that she has lost it. Well maybe
I have.

I have a dear friend that once in a while he come to
see me in my dreams. So when I call him to see if
everything is ok. He just laughs at me and says yes.
So every dream is not some crystal ball into the
future. But once in a great while one hits me that
for some reason really sticks with me.

I am going to share 2 such dreams.

I was 7 months pregant with my 1st child. I had seen
the ultra sound so I knew it was our son. In this dream
I could see thur my stomach. He was there clear as a bell.
I saw every feature he had. In the dream I was looking at
him. He has his right fist clinched on my left pointing
finger. I was stroking his eyebrow with my right pointing
finger. I remember my desire to hold him was so strong.
I remember thinking how unfair to see him and not be
able to hold him.

The next day I told everyone about my silly dream. We all
laughed bout hormones and stuff like that.

It was a hot humid July day that my son was born. I was 4
days to my due date. My doctor decided to induce me because
I was starting to swell and my blood pressure was going up.
The old days it was called toxemia, preclampcia now.

Every thing started at 5:00am when they started the IV of
meds that would start my labor. They were getting all the
pre delivery things out of the way. At 10:00 am my doc came
in and told my I did not have enough platelets. If you
remember from school. You need them to clot blood. I truly do
not remember how may I did have but it was not enough.

So I could not have a spinal block or any pain meds that
would mask my contractions. OH JOY! Now this was my 1st
so at this point I really had now ideal how bad a
contraction really was. BUT WAS SURE ABOUT TO FIND OUT!

They came in and broke my water at 12:00 noon. That water
was a cushion, so from that point on. To say I was not a
happy camper wouldn't be strong enough words. I was going
to die I just knew it. No one could possibly live thur
this. I even have a high tolerance for pain.

At 8:30pm they decided I was ready to push. There is this
wonderful God thing about pushing. It makes the contraction
go away. Talk about reason to pop the thing right out of
there. I pushed so hard on the 1st time that, the nurse
told me to stop because the Doctor was not in there yet.

When he finally showed up and everything was ready. But
8:45 my son was out. But there were several problems,
1st he had the cord around his neck. When they cut it
to get off his neck the cord got loose and he lost blood.

They finally got him out and were cleaning him up. I was
watching him. He did not move much, no crying, and was
white as snow. I called his name, he turned his head to
me but I knew some thing was very wrong.

My son had been exposed to StrepB (that we had no ideal
I was carrying) StrepB I am told is at any given time
carried by 25 to 30 % of women. It comes and goes. If
you tested 100 women one day 25 to 30 % would test positive
for StrepB. If you went back and tested the same 100
women a month later 25 to 30 % would test positive but
it would not be the same ones as before.

The week he was born, the medical society had recommend
that all pregnant women be screened for StrepB after
there 35 week of pregnancy. So that antibodies could
be given to the mother prior to birth, this covering
the child.

As I lay in my bed not knowing what was wrong with
my son. They gave him to me to hold briefly then
whisk him away. Soon they came to tell me there was
some thing wrong but they did not know yet what it
was. He was dehydrated, has low blood count, and
had some sort of infection.

I layied in that bed and could hear my son scream(from
across the hall in the baby intensive care unit)
as they did a spinal tap on him. He was so dehydrated
they did not get any thing. The Doctor himself put
an IV in his head. It was the only place they could
find a vein.

The next morning I was standing next to the small
bed they had him on wires, monitors everywhere.
I was looking down at this precious gift.

He had my left finger clinched in his tiny fist, I was
stroking his eyebrow, longing so much to just pick him
up in my arms. It took a few minutes for my dream to
come to me.

Now, I am not going to try and explain this because I
can't. Just so you will know my son is a healthy,
active, and as normal as any of are. He had not one
complication from this. I do give all the credit to
my heavenly Father,and a wonderful pediatrician that
stayed up all night that first night with him.

My dream came again about the 7th month of my
pregnacy with my daughter.

This one was just as confusing as the first. I could
see thur my belly but it was dark and cloudy. I could
feel her moving but could not see or touch her.

Since all the complications with my son. We felt
ready for this one. But true to form 9 days prior
to due date I ended up in the hospital. Swollen,
with preclampcia, and soon would discover that my
platets were at 37,000 you are supposed to have
160,000 just a tad bit low. This condition is
called PPD (pregancy platelet Disorder). I have
plenty up until time to deliver.

Any way my Doctor was afraid for my and my child.
He said if I delivered her we might both bleed
to death. So the decision was made to do a
c-section. Because of the PPD I had to be
given a local and would not be able to see
my daughter born. I went into the delivery room at 7:00
at 7:20 my daughter was born.

This time unlike my son she had not suffered any
complication from my sickness. She scored a perfect
10 on her apgar test. The hospital said it had
been a few years since a child had scored a 10.

I however was not doing very well. My platelets after
the delivery dropped to 27,000. My Doctor was very
concerned about me. The meds they give you for
preclampcia make you wish you were dead.

I was pretty sure this one was going to get me.
It was early the next morning when I realize
I still had not seen my daughter.

My dream came back to me. She was born in the
dark to me.

I asked to see her. She was so beautiful. Since
she did not have problems her skin was pretty
and pink. She was perfect.

This has been so emotional to write. Brought back
so many fears and pain. Note: I read an article
in a magazine that told the story of a women who
lost her baby to StrepB. Her child had been exposed
about half as long as my son. I remember sitting
in the breakroom crying, thinking how blessed I
felt. But also wondering why I was and she was

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Out of blogville

Hey guys, I am taking a short time out.
I have some more medical crap to deal with.
But should be back good as new in about a
week or so..take care see you all soon.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Three Chocolate Two licorice

It was a cold rainy day after the election.
I was having to move the roaster and hen into
a pen I built. Trying not to trip over the 3
cats at my feet.

I was so busy, making sure the make shift
chicken house would stay up. At least until
I could get better weather.

I had not noticed that my momma dog had not
come out to greet me. She is a black lab. We
have had her since my son was born 8 yrs ago.

She was always a good natured dog. When my son
was still in his walker in the back yard, she
would sit beside him and not leave until I came
and took him back in.

When I started looking for her today, I found her
behind the old cabin, in a corner by the old chimney.

She already had one Chocolate brown puppy and one
black licorice puppy. I was raised with animals so
I was blessed to see God's miracles early in life.
But they are still just as special each time.

She was just cleaning up the Chocolate. As I sat down
and patted her head. I knew she was not done yet. I
did my best to get her to move into the old block
building. She would not go, and I can not carry her
she is about 75 to 80 lbs.

So I gathered up some old clothes to put down for her
and her new family. (If you missed the story the neighbors
chocolate lab got in our dog pen)

I sent most of the after noon being moral support. I am
so amazed at the basic instinct she has. She did not go
to labor classes, or natural child birth classes. As much
as I wanted to help. I am certain that all my coaching was
not exactly helping her.

The next puppy came out just fine. Sack popped and she cleaned
it right up. But the fourth little one, another chocolate had
an extra thick sack. It was not moving, I watched her as she
bite, pulled, and licked until she freed that puppy. I was getting
a little scared it was not moving. But she kept moving it
around until it started moving and squealing.

That is life pure and simple. We are born with 2 basic instincts
first is to eat, second is to breed. (not a nice way to put it
I guess but it is true) No one had to teach her how to care for
her puppies. God built it in.