Friday, March 18, 2016


I was told that Hitler developed meth, to keep his soldiers going.  On no food and with out sleep.  I can believe it.  Because I believe with all my heart it was created by the devil himself.  If history was correct Hitler was pretty close to a child of Satan, if there ever was one.  I am not here to debate any one's opinion of Hitler. 

My problem is with the creation.  I was totally blind sighted by the drug.  I had seen the news stories about it.  I watched my sister destroy her life and the lives of her children.  However from afar.  As she would never live close to us to hide the drug use.  I have watched it destroy any moral fiber she may have been taught in church and at home as a child.  Steal from her own mother, use her children's social security numbers to set up utilities, after it was shut off in her name.

I was never around to see the affects of it on her.  I did not see the people she had around her to supply the drugs to her, or what she had to do to get it.

I did however get a strong hate for the use of drugs, of most any kind.  I could not see any good in them.  Only destruction, death, sadness, lies, bitterness, jail time,  children lost in the system.  What I can not rap my mind around is the fact that, children  will grow up to use this stuff.  After watching in fear what it has done to there parents.  The curse will continue through generations.

I can not grasp that.  I have read so much now, because it has touched my life.  Most people who try meth, are addicted the first time.  Some it takes a little longer . Just a little longer.  As it hits on every good feeling receptor in the brain.  From that point on, it is a battle to keep getting that high.  As the body starts to adjust and they have to use more, use other methods of introduction to the body.  

This is what I did see, with my own eyes.  In my own life as the wife of an addict.  I watched what it did to him and his son.  I watched as it became impossible to live with them in our home.  Asking them to leave, finding out they had been arrested on drug charges.  This is my story.

They will stay up for days.  Thinking that they are ok, functioning just like normal.  In reality it takes a grown man who can fix just about anything.  Down to the mentality of a pre teen.  Their attention span is very short.  They fixate on video games, or doing something with their hands.  Thinking all is working well. The simplest task now takes 5 times as long.  They leave kitchen cabinets open, draws open, water running in the sink.   A trail of fishing equipment, knives he always had a knife he was sharping.  I would find open knives in the bed, the couch, coffee table, bathroom, kitchen counter. It was like a trail of them.

I do not know the medical reason, and I am very sure there is one.  They will not shower,  their teeth rot out from the meth drying their mouth out.  Causing them to drink more fluids.  However they usually choose Mountain Dew.  It has more sugar and caffeine than some of the other soda's.  That is what caused the tooth decay.   When they do eat, it is usually sugary snacks.  To try and keep the high going.

Then come the inevitable time they have to crash. Most of the time they fall asleep anywhere they get still. Could be in a chair, on the toilet, on the floor.  It is really hard to get them into bed.  As they seem to hate sleeping.  Thinking if they do not go to bed they won't sleep.  I have noticed, that the crash takes almost as long to recover with matched days down as they were up.  The first hours of sleep, are very fitful.  Dreaming, crying out in there sleep, tossing, jerking.  This goes on for hours.  I don't know if they are even aware of it.  As I never had the nerve to ask. 

Waking up from this must be a tremendous shock to their bodies.  As they are searching for a fix as soon as their eyes open.  If there is none to be found.  It is like living with Jekel and Hyde.  The withdrawal are painful.   Both mentally and physically. As if every nerve in their body is raw.  They lash out at everyone around them.  I guess I was one of the lucky ones, who did not have any physical abuse.

Depending on the person, as to how bad it is.  Most of what I endured was verbal and mental abuse.  I did not know how to cook, clean, drive, wash clothes, the way I breathed was wrong. 

At this point even I would pay for meth, just to get away from this evil person who had taken over my husband.  So it becomes a vicious cycle.  With only a bad ending. 

I do not even know now if the man I fell in love with was the one on the drugs, or not.  Since I was not around anyone with a drug addiction before.  I am sure I missed the beginning signs.   I sure did not miss the ending signs.  Lies, money gone, could not hold a job, our home destroyed. 

I honestly do not even have an answer, as what to do to help them.  I know there is rehab, drug court and Christian based help.  The latter is the one I would put the most faith in.  You can not help someone who does not want any help.  I do not know the percentage of people who truly get help and are able to stay off.  I know it can not be very high.  My own husband said no one is able to quit. They might be off for a while, but they will go back.  I guess he knows.

Our jails and prisons are full of petty drug dealers.  Most just sell to friends to pay for their own addiction.  I sat under a tree one day, in front of a county court house.  My husband was in jail there.  I was sitting next to an attorney who was legal aid for the folks who could not afford an attorney.  We discussed the fact that most all of these folks were just that.  Petty dealers, with a circle of friends who were also addicts.  Keeping each other in meth. 

We also discussed how the cartel seemed to be able to move millions of dollars worth of meth and no one could catch them.  Driving semi trucks full across this great country and no one seemed to know where they are.

He was of the opinion that the courts and prisons are full just to have jobs.  I did not know that most prison are for profit.  That if they drop below a certain number of inmates.  The state will pay them.  So it seems to me, the states are pushing to keep these repeat offenders coming back.  They really do not want these folks off the drugs. 

While the judges are smoking pot on Friday after noons with afew good friends.  My short time in this marriage.  Just over 3 years.  A person would be very surprised as to who does these drugs. 


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